Oy the holidays!

Oy! The holidays are upon us once again. It’s that time when I’m not sure if I should wish someone a Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Festive Kwanza or Blessed Solstice so consider yourself greeted.

Once again, our blessed little house decided to piss all over our charming holidays. In case you don’t remember, it did this last year with a foundation leak. This year, we were blessed with the Washing Machine drain line backing up and spilling water all over our one year old wood floors. Yeah! Now, I know the freaking holidays have officially begun! Well, in spite of it all, we did what we do best. We pulled floors up, dried shit, went to bed, got up at the butt crack of dawn and went to “stinking feet” for those of you who don’t know, it’s “Beautiful Feet Ministries”. We volunteer to work the Soup Kitchen every Christmas, but I digress…we did what we do best, we moved right along. Next year, we’ll be going out of town for the holidays, I’ll be damned if this is going to become tradition with us! LOL

A couple of positive notes:
1- As many of you may remember, we had visited a fertility clinic that we weren’t pleased with. We’ve contacted another Doctor in our area and will visit with them soon. I’ll keep you posted. :0)

2- Hopefully, before my “HELL” Semester starts, I will sit down and start writing again. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I haven’t had the hours in the day to write. If it hasn’t been one thing, it’s been another. I am half tempted to cancel the holiday all together for next year.

3- My cousin-in-law gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on December 6, 2011. Here’s a picture of Madeline Sage when she was only a few hours old.
 

Have a safe and happy New Year!

Photo Op

Sometimes, life gets in the way of the things we love doing. Believe me, I get it. Writing, reading, fixing and riding motorcycles, and photography are only a few of things I could lose myself in.

This past weekend, my cousin-in-law gave me a reason to whip out my trusted camera. Amanda is pregnant and ready to deliver – SOON!

Amanda decided I would do her pregnancy photos and I wanted to share a few of them with you. :0)

   

NHRA 2011

What the heck happened?

Many people have asked me why it’s taking so long for me to write my next ebook. Well, the truth is that I’ve been focusing on going to school to learn a new skill to sustain my family and finding a job.

Some of you have asked, why? After all, I am a writer and DO receive royalties right? Yes. I do actually, and those royalties are what I have used to pay my mortgage, my electricity, my internet, groceries and other essential bills, but as of late my sales haven’t been grand.

Okay, there’s my author PC answer so if you’re happy with that, stop reading now. If you want to hear what I, the person has to say, keep reading…

Recently, I found out that I am, or shall I say, my ebooks are the victims of piracy and no, I’m not happy about this.

I am not going to give you the stealing is bad speech, chances are you already know that, otherwise, you wouldn’t be using anonymous names to steal my books.

For all the people who think it’s easier to create a fictitious email to open an account and register with a pirate site and then go and find my book, download it…oops, sorry, steal it than it is to go to Amazon and buy the damn thing for .99 cents, you suck!

Speaking my mind can’t hurt me any more than the 39,856 illegal copies of my downloaded books since December 2010.

Would the 39,856 illegal downloads made me rich? Far from it, but it would have paid my bills enough for me to continue focusing on writing the stories that you obviously love to read.

I am disillusioned, frustrated and confused. I never imagined that people would rather steal then to pay .99 cents for something they liked. That’s less than a fucking dollar!

So there you have it. I force myself to sit in front of the computer, in between classes and job hunting to write a few lines for the people who are honest and do purchase my books. The rest of you are disgraceful, pieces of shit pretending to be human beings and if you take offence to what I’ve said…here’s a thought…stop stealing my books!

For everyone else, thank you for your support, love and loyalty. It is for you that I continue to write. You are my motivation. :0)

September Update…

For some people, it may seem that I have fallen off the face of the earth and for that I do apologize. Here’s an update on what’s been happening in my neck of the woods.

First, I found out last week that my Uncle Pedro died and although I am not close to my father’s side of the family, my Uncle’s death touched me deeply, especially since it was so close to my birthday. On September 10th I'll be yet another year older and it raised the ever present question of what if anything am I leaving behind for my partner and how will it help her, God forbid…

In my soul searching I decided that for as much as I love writing, it was not going to provide a decent living for me or my family. I have NO intentions of giving it up, fret not, but I also need a career doing something I enjoy and something that would be lucrative so, I went back to school to become a Motorcycle Mechanic.

I love riding, I’m mechanically inclined and I foresee motorcycles becoming ever more popular as gas prices continue to increase so why not? Now, I’ll not only be a butch who rides, but one that fixes them and you never know, I might open my own shop someday too. LOL

The way I see it, taking these classes will give me something more to write about. Maybe I should write a book called Dykes on Bikes.

On another note, I really have lost all my iphone contacts, so please email, call or inbox me your number unless you've already done it. :0)

Vegas…

As many of you know, my partner and I had planned to go to Vegas for the Erotic Authors Association Conference on September 9-10 which the 10th is also my birthday. What a Birthday celebration that would have been, right? Well, it is with sadness that I officially announce that we will not attend.

 Another wonderful treat we will miss is the Vegas Pride Celebrations. Vegas Pride starts on September 3 and runs damn near half the month from what I could see. Here’s a link if you’re interested in attending any or all the parties: http://www.lasvegaspride.org/events.html

Nothing bad has happened, unless you count not winning the lotto as bad and no one has died, well, not as of writing this blog. LOL

It’s been a cluster fuck of financial mishaps that affect our travel plans. I hope everyone has a wonderfully delicious time. Take lots of photos and throw a quarter in the slots for me, will ya?

Have fun!
Annie :0)

On a roll!

Since I quit smoking analog cigarettes, it’s been almost impossible to start writing again, but I’m happy to announce that I’m bouncing back from my perceived depression.

So, keep your eyes out for an all new Carly Bright and soon after that, another Hightower book.

In the meantime, I have some left over bookmarks and trading cards if anyone would like one, send me an email with your snail mail addy and I’ll get it out to you pronto.  Sheboiblog@gmail.com 

Front of Bookmark:

Back of Bookmark:

Front of Trading Card:

Back of Trading Card:

Wow! Flog me now!

No… really, someone whip me, especially if you look like this.

I haven’t really been around lately. Not much Facebook-ing, twitter-ing, blogging or Linked in-ing. No interviews. No special appearances. No contests. No promoting. And worse of all, no WRITING!

Yup! I’ve been holed up, hiding in my cave. I’ve had 2 analog (real) cigarettes in the past 19 days and 22 hours, no I haven’t kept count… I have an iPhone app that does that.

I had been a pack, pack and a half a day smoker for 30 something years and the thing is that I didn’t realize I didn’t know how not to be a smoker. Are you confused?

I smoked for so long, I didn’t know any other way of doing things. I used smoking as a reward system. Smoked before and after I ate. Smoked before and after sex. Smoked before I started writing. Smoked after I wrote a great sex scene. Smoked when I was tired, frustrated, stuck, happy, hungry, bored, surprised, depressed, amazed, breathed and farted! LOL

The past several weeks, its been like finding a whole new me. Finding out what I like, what I don’t like and who the hell I am. I don’t have all the answers yet but I have realized that I am a pretty decent lesbian erotica author and I have a damn good sense of humor, too.

So, I am jumping out of my cave hoping I don’t land on some femme’s high heel shoe and stab myself. Wouldn’t that be fucking hilarious!

No 7 E - Cigarette - EPIC FAIL!

Not because I smoked. It’s been 10 days and no analog cigarette has touched my lips.

Nope. No 7’s epic fail has EVERYTHING to do with the actual product.

Here’s a brief rundown on the situation. In the beginning, we purchased an $89.99 starter kit, the $39.99 Square (a portable charging box for the batteries), and $60.00 worth of various Nicotine strength cartomizers. Grand total: 189.99 + tax. Well, over $200.00 worth of merchandize. I know that seems like a lot of money, but ultimately, it’s cheaper and healthier than smoking analog cigarettes. Trust me.

1) Okay, less than 2 weeks after we purchased over $200.00 dollars worth of merchandize, I ordered a Menthol Low Cartomizer from No 7’s website and received a Regular Tobacco Low, not the Menthol.

2) I called No 7 and they apologized, stating that they would ship out the correct Cartomizers ASAP.

3) Several days later, I received the correct Cartomizers but they were defective. They would not screw onto the battery. I called No 7 again. Again they apologized and said they would send a return label which we would receive the next day.

4) 4 days later, we received the Return Label and sent back the defective Cartomizers.

5) 1 week to the day, I called and asked about the cartomizers, which I had ordered received and sent back so they still owed me the cartomizers or my money, either would do fine at this point.  Here’s what they said, that they tried the cartomizers we sent back on 4 different batteries and the cartomizers have fit on every battery. Also, they “tested” one of the cartomizers and it was dry, insinuating that I had used the cartomizer and then sent it back to them that way, but they will ship another set of Cartomizers to me.

Okay, here’s where I take issue. Really? I’ve purchased more than $400.00 worth of product from No 7 since the beginning of all this and they are going to “insinuate” that I what?  Stole a $4.49 cartomizer from them. Really? Seriously? Are they fucking joking?

Okay, moving on from the absurdity of it, I have purchased SEVERAL more cartomizer sets since this happened, at least $100.00 or more dollars worth, and let me tell you what I have found. The Cartomizers are inconsistent. Some allow easy inhaling, some you need the lung power of a Hoover to get a drag. No 7’s solution, charge the battery. WRONG!

It’s not the damn battery, it’s the product and the lack of quality control. Proven to me by what your customer service representative told me about the Cartomizer being dry.

No 7’s EPIC FAIL comes from the ease of which they blame their customers for finding their quality control issues instead of striving for what the company promises, quality!

As a Texan, I really wanted to support a local Texa's company. Such a shame that my money and I will go elsewhere…

Break up Do’s and Don'ts

Chillax! We are NOT breaking up. However, we have seen a few, long term relationships call it quits after spending years together.
 
I’m not going to place blame anywhere. Couples who have been together for a while, ahem…more than a few years, know that relationships are a constant flux of falling in and out of love with each other. The trick is to be patient enough to fall back in love with your honey, but sometimes it just doesn’t happen. Sometimes we grow so far apart that the best thing to do is to separate. It happens.
 
So, it brings me to this post because quite honestly someone has to be the voice of reason. I’ve had a few break-ups of my own and hind-sight, fore-sight, I can share this with you now.

1) Please, for the love of all you value and hold dear, avoid the stereotypical DYKE DRAMA! Chances are that whatever you think you’re going to accomplish, will probably backfire and either get you labeled a crazy ass bitch, get you arrested or get you involuntarily committed for 72 hours.
None of which is good. Trust me.
 
2) During the breakup, DON’T and I repeat, DON’T keep your soon to be ex’s shit, hostage! It’s not healthy for either one of you and let’s get honest, that’s just a fucked up thing to do. Revenge you say? Really? Nope. It’s BIG time manipulation.

 Do yourself a favor and make a clean cut. You don’t need little reminders of how your life was with so-and-so, especially if you already have a new girl in your life. It’s over. Be over. Move on.
 
3) Don’t call your ex unless you are ready to lose every ounce of dignity you have left. Again, It’s over. Be over. Move on.
 
4) Feel your feelings. Embrace your sadness and welcome your grief. You’re going to hurt, after all, you did love that person at one time or currently still do love them. It’s okay to feel. It’s NOT okay to do crazy shit! Again, crazy shit falls under DYKE DRAMA that we are currently going to avoid, right?

 5) Don’t think you can “be friends” right after a break up. It doesn’t typically work that way. Yes, it can happen but it takes time. Sometimes it takes years before two people can put their differences and their hurt aside and become friends in the first place.

 6) During a breakup, you will both be a little nuts. That’s okay as long as you don’t go insane. Keep your friends in the loop. They will help you establish a good timeline and alibi if you need one.
 
Well, there you go. I got nothing else for you right now other than the fact that it’s been almost 7 days since I’ve had a cigarette. :0)

2 days and 21 hours…

Since my last cigarette and everyone in the household is still alive!

UN-FREAKING-BELIEVABLE!

I never thought I’d see the day when I would decide to quit smoking, but after 30 plus years and who know how many thousands if not hundreds of thousands of dollars, I willingly handed over to Big Tobacco Companies (well, only one in particular) I am ready to make a stand!

Can I say that I will be successful? No! That would be as intelligent as saying I could guess the next big Lotto numbers, but I can say this is the first real effort I have put into quitting.

This time my efforts are with the help of the most ever popular e-cigarette and NO! I am not saying that it is a healthy choice to smoking. The only healthy choice to smoking is not smoking at all. <— Okay, CYA legal shit out of the way…

As I said earlier, 2 days and 21 hours into this and I still want a cigarette. It’s scary how addictive I actually am to these damn things. At this point, I haven’t experienced the breathing gets easier or the sense of smell returning nor everything tastes better. What I have experienced is the anxiety, the nervousness, the irritability, the utter and complete tiredness and the realization that with each passing hour… sometimes minutes… the cravings aren’t lasting as long.

I realize that it’s going to take some time for me to detox from the 4000+ chemicals in cigarettes. Yes. Yea. I’m no fool.

The first 24 hours I white-knuckled it through the day, puffing away on my little e-cig hoping to ease the cravings. My second 24 hours, was better. Not as good as I would have liked, but definitely more manageable. Notice I said manageable, not perfect.

Wish me luck :0)

Smoking

 Okay, for whatever reason, it seems that smoking is synonymous with being a lesbian.Yes, really. Pay attention to the movies and TV shows. Every time you see a lesbian, you also see a cigarette dangling from her lips.

Oh, it’s not just about the times either. Even in the newest movie, “The Kids Are All Right” they smoked. Good movie, by the way.

So, smoking makes lesbians look cool. Smoking makes Dykes look meaner. Yea. Yea. I can look mean without a cigarette.

Not to long ago, I decided to quit smoking and after 30 something years of feeding my bad habit, I finally see a light at the end of the tunnel and no, it’s not a lit cigarette. LOL

I have been using the e-cigarette to curb my desires for nicotine. No, it’s not without its dangers, but neither is smoking. And no! It hasn't been easy! Trust me.

I am down from a pack – pack and a half to 5 cigarettes a day. That’s right, 5 and I intend to cut that number down, too. Yea me!

I’m not going to tell you, you need to quit. It’s a personal choice, but I can tell you that if you’re as cheap as I am, you’ll see the benefits almost immediately. And for me, money is a great motivator, especially since I was paying almost $10.00 for a pack. Do the math…

Here’s where I’m supposed to say, if I’m cranky or irritable please forgive me, but I’m not going to. Maybe I’ve dealt with my non smoking friends irritability for so long, I just want to be fucking cranky.

Either way, buckle your seat belts and say a prayer for me, I’m in it for the long haul. Oh yeah...would anyone be willing to bail me out if I lose my mind?

Family…enuf said?

I love my family, even those that I deem a threat to my sanity, but this isn’t about them. This time it’s about the one’s that I hold near and dear to my heart.

Take for instance, my Aunt Puchy, yes that’s really her name. Cubans have this way of nicknaming loved one’s the strangest, most unusual names. We have a Puchy, China, Happy, Nini, Duvy, but I’m getting off topic here.

My Aunt Puchy, who accepts my partner Jennifer with open arms is going to drive me crazy. I swear!

Puchy is of the belief that you don’t unnecessarily worry someone. Let me tell you how many problems that has caused and bless her heart, she doesn’t even realize the worry she’s caused some of us with that stupid mentality.

I just found out today that my Uncle Amado, no not a nickname, had surgery on Tuesday. Heart Surgery, no less!

So the conversation went something like this:

Puchy: Hello baby, everything is fine. (Big clue that something was wrong, but things are fine, NOW)

Me: Oh, what happened?

Puchy: I didn’t want to worry you, but the operation went good and your uncle is home now.

Me: What operation and when?

Puchy: On Tuesday, he had a little problem with his heart, that’s all, but he’s home now and doing good.

Me: What little problem?

Puchy: With his heart. (This is usually the point where I start yanking my hair out)

Me: Okay. Why not tell me on Tuesday, like when he was having surgery?

Puchy: I didn’t want to worry you.

Me: I see, and what would have happened if things didn’t go well in surgery? Would you have told me then.

Silence…silence…silence.

Me: Hello?

Puchy: Well, I think if he had died, you couldn’t have done anything about it. So why worry you.

AAARRRGGGG!!!!!!!!

I love my aunt, but really?

Anyone else feel out of their league when talking with the elders in your family? Geesh!

Frustration’s a brewing…

I think I’ve been a lesbian too long. Let me explain…

I’m writing the second Carly Bright book and unlike my Hightower Series where my characters are all lesbians, Carly is… well…she’s Carly. Not a lesbian, not straight and heaven forbid, not confused either. Carly is a sexual being. How’s that?

Carly tends to go where her heart follows, be it female or male. The problem is that my heart isn’t following her, how shall I say? Her male itch for attention.

Nope. Nada. Not at all. Zilch. I’m a blank.

What sucks about this?
Well, I’m glad you asked. What sucks is that Carly Bright seems to have better sells with the free-to-be-sexuality than my lesbian series does.

I wish I could focus strictly on my female/female stories but either, A- I’m not getting word out to my Sisters that my stories exist, B- my Sisters don’t want to spend the money, C- I have better following and support from the straight community (which would be sad) or D- my stories suck donkey dick.

So, in the process of trying to write CB, I’m trying to remember what it was like to be…on the other side of the fence. Yeah, not coming to me as clearly as I thought it would. And please, no visuals.

The life of a lesbian, paranormal, erotica writer isn’t always glamorous :0(

I don’t normally do this, but…

The first and most important thing I want to stress is that this is solely my opinion and my opinion only.

The mornings headline in the Advocate caught my attention.

Gays Join in Protest of Ga. Immigration Law

What? I thought. This must be some kind of mistake…

“An LGBT contingent joined in a march Saturday in Atlanta to protest Georgia’s new immigration law, which opponents consider racist, the GA Voice reports.”
 
Blah, blah, blah, blah… “Thousands of people — estimates ranged from 8,000 to 14,000 — participated in the protest at the state capitol, calling for repeal of the law. Georgia is one of several states, including Arizona, Utah, and Indiana, that have recently adopted laws aimed at addressing illegal immigration, claiming the federal government is not doing enough.”
 
Blah, blah, blah…”Among the provisions allowed to stand, one makes it a felony to use false information or documentation when applying for a job, and another sets up an immigration review board to look into complaints about government officials not complying with state laws on illegal immigration.”
 
Okay. I realize that I may earn me some not-so-happy-points with what I’m about to say, but nonetheless, it needs to be said.
 
What the hell is the gay community thinking? Really? Have we, as a whole LOST OUR FUCKING COLLECTIVE MINDS!
 
Being an out and proud lesbian, I stand strongly with providing equality and fairness to all. I have done my share of marches, protests and what-nots. I have stood tall, and strong, in the face of adversity and I will continue to do so, but I will NOT fight for the rights of Illegal Immigrants to continue sneaking across our borders, using our resources, taking our jobs and bringing their, holier than thou, I deserve to be here attitudes with them!
 
Come here legally, get a social security number, get a job, contribute back to our economy and I will support your right to be here, as strongly as I support the gay and lesbian right to equality.
 
My family came here from Cuba while the “Castro regime” was killing innocent people. My family crammed on a ship, packed like sardines to sail across the 90 miles of ocean to save their lives.
 
My family came here, to the United States and respected the law. They LEGALLY took residency. I am the first generation American from a long line of Cubans and Spaniards. I get it!
 
Again, I strongly believe in people coming to the UNITED STATES for a better way of life. I have no issues with that.

Many people have faced unsurmountable adversities to come to the United States, and they did it LEGALLY. I have little tolerance for someone who believes they can break our laws and sneak across our borders like a thief in the night then demand all the rights of a United States Citizen.  If you want to be a citizen or resident, honor our Nation and it's people by coming here legally.

Gay rights and illegal immigration are two separate issues and should NEVER have been intertwined.

Spare me…

The one thing that irritates me the most, is the women, who after they figure out I’m gay have the nerve to say, “Oh, I’m okay with it, really. I have friends who are gay,” as they pull the top of their blouse shut to hide their breasts.

Really? I find that EXTREMELY offensive. What the hell makes them think I want to see their boobies anyways? Unless they are wearing one of those 2 million dollar Victoria Secrets Bra’s that are lined in Diamonds, I don’t give a rat’s ass what their boobies look like. And if that’s the case, I’m staring at the bra, not the boobs!

Okay. Okay…I get it. They are straight. I am gay. That changes the rules, right? Wrong! Just because I’m attracted to women, doesn’t mean I’m attracted to them. I mean, straight women aren’t attracted to every single man out there are they? No, it’s ludicrous to think that.

All I ask is for some damn respect when they are trying to reassure me that they are “okay” with me being gay. Is that too much to ask for?

ATTENTION PET OWNERS!

It is with a sad and heavy heart that I post this today. My good friend Mel, recently lost her dog, Boomer, to an aspirin overdose.

Many people are not aware that there are several things you can do before taking your dog to the vets.

This was taken off the ASPCA website.

Be Prepared

Keep the telephone number of the ASPCA Animal Poison Control Center—(888) 426-4435—as well as that of your local veterinarian, in a prominent location.

Invest in an emergency first-aid kit for your pet. The kit should contain:

• A fresh bottle of hydrogen peroxide, 3 percent USP (to induce vomiting) – Yes, it does work! When our Yellow Lab ate rat poison, don’t ask – we gave him hydrogen peroxide and watched him puke most of the poison out of his system before we took him to the vets. It saved his life to get the poison out before it had a chance to dissolve and get into his system. If they don’t start puking almost immediately, make them run. Throw a ball, have them chase you, do anything to get them moving. It will work.

* NOTE: I don’t understand why Vet clinics do not tell you to induce vomiting immediately. Obviously, if your pet ingested battery acid you DO NOT want to induce vomiting as it will burn their esophagus on the way out, but for pills, make them puke!  Please know that I AM NOT a vet and DO NOT give out medical advice of any kind. I say this only from my experience.

• A turkey baster, bulb syringe or large medicine syringe (to administer peroxide) See above. Yes, you will need a way to get the peroxide into them. Believe me, your dog will not want to drink it willingly.
• Saline eye solution – Haven’t had to use it yet. Knock on wood.
• Artificial tear gel (to lubricate eyes after flushing) – Haven’t had to use it yet. Knock on wood.
• Mild grease-cutting dishwashing liquid (for bathing an animal after skin contamination) – Haven’t had to use it yet. Knock on wood.
• Forceps (to remove stingers) – Regular tweezers also work if the stinger is small.
• A muzzle (to protect against fear- or excitement-induced biting) – Haven’t had to use it yet. Knock on wood.
• A can of your pet’s favorite wet food – We keep several handy and rotate the stock on a regular basis.
• A  pet carrier – We always have at least two handy.

Another one for the pet first aid kit.

We found out our Yellow Lab was prone to Epileptic Seizures the hard way. Believe me, its not a pretty sight. If you have a big dog, one who is not easily picked up and carried, get, buy or make a backboard to carry them. You can find them online for as little as $99.00. If you need to transport your big dog when they are in the midst of a seizure, a towel or a sheet isn’t going to do the job. Trust me!

Seizures are a scary thing. The reality that your dog will not come out of the seizure is very real. Another friend of ours lost her Saint Bernard that way. He seized and never came out of it.

ACCIDENTS HAPPEN! Be informed. Get emergency numbers and have them handy. Make a plan and be prepared to act on it.

All right boys and girls…

It’s time for a little shameless, self promotion, because after all, it is how I make a living now a days.

CYA: My books are of a mature, adult nature.

My newest book, Boi Toi, was just released. Its got sensuality, teasing, packing and cock worship, orgasm control, mild BDSM and it’s even quite possible that I’ve used some personal experiences to write a scene or two. :0)

Now, I’m not going to tell you to click over to eXtasy Books and buy a copy. I wouldn't do such a thing…but I will say that it would make me very happy if you did.

Here’s an excerpt of what you can expect:

     Lexi led me through the rooms on the main floor, explaining the significance of the furniture and the art, which was French contemporary, but bored me almost to tears. Luckily, I think she noticed my efforts in trying to look interested and upped the stakes. Each time we entered a room, occupied or not, she would grab my cock and rub it gently as she continued her history lesson. When we entered the unoccupied library, I grabbed her, bringing her close to me, but she took hold of my hands and stuck them in my pocket.
     “No touching, yet,” she warned and continued to talk about some damn French artist and how famous he was.
     “You’re driving me crazy,” I complained leaving my hands where she put them.
     “You’re not a patient person, are you?” She cocked her head and smiled, slowly licking her lips, leaving them wet and shiny.
     “No—Yes,” I stammered and took a deep breath. “You’ve worked me up all night. I can’t stand it, anymore. Show a girl some mercy.”
     “Okay,” she eagerly responded gesturing at my clothes. “Take them off.”
     “Here…now?” My voice cracked. I couldn’t believe what she suggested.
     “Yes,” she reassured me. “Here and now.”
     I peeked into the crowded hallway noticing that any number of guests could easily walk in on us. “What if someone comes in?”
     “So?” She raised her brow in a questioning way. “What if they do?” She approached me and started unbuttoning my slacks.
     I pulled away. “No. I can’t do this,” I said securing the button in place.
     “Well, then, you’ll have to be patient.” She leaned into me and pressed her lips to my neck, gently laying kisses on my sensitive skin. “It’s not as if, I didn’t offer.”

And if you liked that, check out my website and/or my new Yahoo! Group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AnnieAlvarez for  more excerpts.

Happy weekend all! :0)

Two for one special…

And here I was wondering what the hell to write about when this popped into my headlines. I’ve got a two for one special happening today.

First, take your seats everyone…I want to address American Family Association’s Bryan Fischer: ‘Gays are Nazis’ comment.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I think I laughed so hard, I might have pee’d my pants. Really? Now, we’re Nazi’s? As a Cuban-American, Gay, Jewish, Female I am at a loss for words. I never thought that I would be classified as a Nazi! Damn, and I was just getting used to hearing all kinds of other nasty names.

Okay, on a serious note, because after all, these are serious allegations…we have been persecuted, fired, beaten, tortured and killed because our lifestyles, but we’re the Nazi’s? How am I even supposed to take these allegations seriously? Has common sense left the building?


Snatched from other headlines:

Bigotry backfires: El Paso anti-gay ordinance leaves many without benefits

 

The ballot measure, initiated by a group of conservative Christians aimed at promoting “traditional family values” asked voters last November to make health care benefits available “only to city employees and their legal spouse and dependent children.”

 
Tom Brown, pastor of the Word of Life Church, organized the ballot measure, but did so without use of an attorney to advise on the verbiage.
 
When 55% of the voters approved the measure on Election Day, they eliminated coverage for some 200 people who don’t fit that description — among them city council members and other elected officials, who aren’t technically city employees, and many former and retired city workers.
 
“This is an example of how direct democracy can have unexpected consequences,” wrote Federal Judge Frank Montalvo, quoting James Madison.
 
“Any of those people who were excluded from benefits in the ordinance will be excluded from benefits,” said Mayor John Cook after Tuesday’s city council meeting.
 
Kudos to Federal Judge Frank Montalvo and to Mayor John Cook for standing firm in the face of opposition.
 
Oh, and by the way Mr. Fischer, we had nothing to do with the ballot in El Paso backfiring on the conservative Christian group. That was all about…dare I say it…gay’s being persecuted once again.

A little confused…

No, I’m very confused and I’m hoping someone can explain this to me. In this day and age when so much is happening around us that merits everyone’s attention…the unrest in the Middle East, Extremist Groups threatening retaliation, Our grand President throwing Israel under the bus (and for the record, he does not speak for me), the Economy tanking, in spite of all the Bull Shit that politicians and the media are feeding us about how America isn’t heading into a recession and I’ll not go into the vast amount of homeless, jobless, and hungry Americans right now, either. Gas companies raping us at the pumps, Insurance premiums out of control, BILLIONS of our hard earned American money going overseas to rebuild, help or just “pay off” Countries that harbor the same terrorists that want Americans dead, not to be dismal about this, but doesn’t it seem a little ludicrous that we are providing the means for these assholes to kill us?

And yet, my 15 year relationship seems to merit more attention, and more energy than the real problems we are faced with today? Someone please explain this to me because I am at a loss for understanding. Since when is my personal relationship with another consenting adult so important that it merits people losing their focus on the real problems at hand?

Do you think that by banning the word “gay” from schools it will make us go away? Do you now think crying that the heterosexual couple is being discriminated against is going to solve the alleged homosexual problem? Are some people that fucking stupid? Sorry, my frustration gets ahead of me…

I, for one, am tried of being the scapegoat for the people who are not willing to face the real issues that plague our Nation and the World. It’s a poor ass excuse that has overplayed its effectiveness.

While people are actively fighting to keep us as second class citizens the world is moving on, terrorist are scheming more plans, natural gas is running out, war is threatening to brew in the Middle East, Israel is in danger of disappearing, the World’s Climate is changing and not for the better, our dollar is losing its value by the day, our technology is falling behind, and our Nation continues to be in crisis…

If it’s the religious aspect that has you stuck then hear me when I say that your message has been delivered. We heard you or at least, I heard you. Now I ask you to treat us fairly and have enough faith in your God to let us sort it out with our maker, when the day comes.

If it’s the political aspect that keeps you stagnant, remember that our great Nation was founded for equality for all, not just for a select group of people.

There are more important and pressing things happening all around us than to focus all this energy on continuing to oppress a group of people simply because of our sexual orientation.

Imagine the change we could make in this world if we could all come together as one equal and uniformed voice.

End of rant…

Bullying by any other name…

  is still bullying.

I am actually at a loss for words. It seems that everyday I hear something that just throws me for a loop.

I know I should be used to the crazy and insane news about bullying, after all, there is a huge anti-bullying movement happening all over the country and the world, but that doesn’t seem to be the case in a South Florida Pompano Beach High School.

Bullying is not just physical. It comes in many forms and one of them is abuse of power. We reprimand, and in some cases even arrest people for bullying, but what do we do when the person bullying is supposed to be the one setting an example?

Florida principal threatens gay students for holding hands

I’m not surprised that Broward County officials are concerned. Children learn by example and here’s a chance to attack the root of the bullying problem. Now, the question is, are Broward County School Officials going to face this problem head on, or are they going to just slap his principal's hand and sweep this under the proverbial political rug?

In my most humble opinion, Broward needs to use this unfortunate event to send a very clear example that bullying whether as a student, teacher, or school official will not be tolerated. Period.

Reality check…

I believe this post is way overdue. Here are some harsh realties about the GLBT community that a lot of people just don’t realize or have some VERY skewed views about.

First of all, contrary to some popular belief, we don’t go around “converting” people to become gay or lesbian. We leave the converting to the religious zealots.

Secondly, most and yes, I do say most lesbians are NOT men haters. Actually, we don’t even think about men a lot. Sorry, guys, but we just don’t and we certainly don’t think about you enough to hate you. That takes a lot of energy that frankly, you’re not getting from us. Myth busted.

Third, as for the “we need to find a good man” theory. A lot of us, have had a good man or two in our lifetime and yeah, it didn’t change the fact that we are still lesbians.

Fourth, it really pisses me off that some people use pedophile and bestiality in the same content when referring to gay’s. Listen up…just because you don’t or refuse to understand something, doesn’t mean we go around having sex with children or we want to screw your dog. That’s sick and if you really believe that, I suggest you start taking a good look at yourself instead of blaming us for tendencies you may hold, it’s called being responsible for yourself. There is help for that - get it.

Fifth, another shocker. We haven’t ruined the institution of marriage – that was ruined a long time ago and without our help.

Sixth, there is a BIG difference between “Special”, distinguished by some unusual quality and “Equal”, the same as, alike in quantity, degree, value, etc.

Don’t fool yourselves, we aren’t trying to take anything away from anyone. We only want the same rights that any other person or couple has, including the right to marry and the benefits that go along with it.

Harsh reality: We pay taxes, we work, we spend money, we grow old and we die, just like everyone else. The only “special” thing in our lives is that we are continually discriminated against by our Country, our Nation, our People and our Government.

Seventh, we don’t need saving and even if we did, it’s not going to happen by your hand.

And

Eight: The comment Ellen DeGeneres made about the toaster oven was a joke! You know…humor…haha…funny. Geesh!

Anyone want to add to the list?

And the award goes to…

Mr. Rehyansky, of Hamilton County, Tennessee, argued that men were naturally more promiscuous than women and “it fell to men to swing through the trees and scour the caves in search of as many women as possible to subdue and impregnate – a tough job but someone had to do it”.

The PinkNews headline reads:

US judge says lesbians can be ‘cured’ by male soldiers

In all seriousness, I must say that when I read it, I actually started to get pissed. I mean how could a United States Judge sworn to uphold the law not only justify, but encourage men to rape women…really? Don’t believe me? Click here to read the article for yourself.

All I can say is, wow! I am stunned, but let’s get honest here, folks. For as much as Mr. Rehyansky wanted to make a valid point and an impression, what he left me with was a comedy vision of my brother swinging from the vines mumbling, “Me, Tarzan. You, Jane.” As he pounds his chest. Too damn fucking funny! Okay, I laughed so hard, I cried! <— (It’s a sisterly thing. I adore my brother!)

With all that we, not only as Americans, but as humans beings are dealing with…

The possible and probably retaliation from known terrorist groups for Bin Assholes death. That our economy is crap and getting crappier by the minute! Sorry, no denying that, folks. And that Mother nature is kicking our asses! How many millions of acres burned in Texas and how many dead from the tornado outbreak? Oh, and let’s not forget the earthquake in Japan and the fear of Nuclear disaster due to the tidal wave that killed thousands of people. And that children are needlessly abused and dying everyday, many by the hands of straight, self advocated Christians. And that our valued vets are returning home, homeless. And don’t even get me started on the damage we, humans, are doing to the only planet in the universe that sustains HUMAN life…you’re telling me that lesbians need a “cure”?

So, yes, in the midst of everything happening in the world today, I found this statement hilarious! You dumb ass idiot!

My final thoughts on this? For all who agree with Mr. Rehyansky, you can all go and swing through the trees, scour your caves and maybe find a clue, while the rest of us try to find a cure for Cancer, Diabetes, Alzheimer's and try to protect the little decency that’s left in this world.

I’m not broken or diseased.

Oh, in case you think I forgot, noooo thank you, how about you subdue and impregnate some common sense into your mind, instead…it’s a tough job, but someone has to do it. :0)

Obsessed with the thought of sex…

Wifey and I have had many discussions about sex and the one reoccurring thing that keeps popping up (no pun intended) is that I think differently about it than she does.

For wifey, there is a time and a place for sex. For me, the time is now and the place is anywhere we have a few minutes alone. So, that has led to some interesting conversations that, believe it or not, have made me, the erotic author, blush.

Here’s a secret, for all the explicit writing I do, I can’t talk about sex, at least not with women I consider femmies. If wifey breaks into a discussion about strap-ons or dildos, I break into a sweat. Don’t ask, I couldn’t tell you why, but rest assured that wifey has had a lot of fun with that one, believe me.

Back on topic, now…here’s the thing with me, I don’t talk about it, but I am always thinking about sex. Sex in the shower, while doing the dishes, in the backyard, while driving, in a plane, at the movies, before surgery, when I’m not feeling well, when I am feeling well, sex after sex. Oh hell, the list goes on and on. We even have a running joke that I’ll be thinking about sex on my death bed. LOL

Ask any butchie, anytime, if they want to get laid and I can almost guarantee I’d know what the answer is. Ask a femmie and you run a 50/50 chance of success.

Okay, I’m a little obsessed with sex, I get it, and no, I don’t have sex as much as I think about it. It’s not physically possible, but that raised the question for me, is there truly a difference in how often femmies secretly think about sex compared to how often butches think about it? And if there is, could it possibly be because, just perhaps, butch woman are genetically made up differently than their fem counterparts?

Alright, let’s hear your opinion…

All this talk about…

Babies! Well, I have to say that at the very least, the subject has us thinking about starting a family and understandably so.

Apart from the fact that our cousin is pregnant, our good friends just had a baby, and 9 out of 10 couples around us has kids, we’ve talked about it for the past 15 years and neither one of us is getting any younger.

Babies. Babies. Babies!

Okay, maybe one baby wouldn't be so bad, right? I mean, couples have “Oopsy” babies all the time and they manage to make it work, especially with the economy the way it is.

The problem with us having an “Oopsy” baby is that we would have to plan the entire event. Kind-of takes the element of surprise out of the equation, doesn’t it?

Rationally, I can think of a thousand reasons not to have a baby, but the truth is that I can think of that many reasons why we should.

Nothing is official so don’t get your hopes up, but I would love some input and feedback.

Burning in hell, again.

OMG! I received a phone call from my parents last night and decided to answer it because I had been avoiding them long enough and yes, I avoid speaking to them on a regular basis. I have my reasons.

The conversation started out well with my dad, it always does. Then my mother got on the phone and surprisingly, it went well for all of 5.2 seconds. I think that was a record for us.

At 5.3 seconds, she asked me, “Do you go to a Messianic Synagogue?”

My answer? Plain and simple, “No.” And that’s all she needed to sideswipe me with a religious freight train, telling me that I was in the wrong religion because Jews don’t believe in Christ as their savior and that I was going to burn to hell. Yes. Really -she said that.

My mother has had no qualms in telling me 2 out of 3 times that I’m going to burn in hell for this or for that. Yadda, yadda, yadda. You’d think I’d be used to hearing it by now, she did start on her tantrums when I was only 13 and by my calculations, it’s only been what? 30 years that I’ve heard I’m going to burn in hell.

At first, it started because I’m gay, now it’s because I go to a Jewish (non-messianic) Synagogue. What my mother doesn’t know is that I consider myself more spiritual than anything else. Not Jewish, not Christian, not Baptist, not Catholic, not any fucking religion at all. Just Spiritual.

What’s truly sad is that she is so caught up in her own religious insanity that there is no reasoning with her. Believe me, the entire family has tried, for years. Her belief’s about religion and the fear of God’s punishment has driven a canyon through our almost non-existent relationship. And I won’t fool myself, either. Regardless, on the new reason I’m going to burn in hell, it all comes back to me being gay. I know this for a fact!

She will never know what I believe in, what I like, what makes me happy or sad, or who I am. I have lived most of my life knowing that I am her single, most, biggest disappointment.

To me, paying the price of being true to myself has come at a huge cost. It has cost me the luxury of having a loving, caring, nurturing and sane mother. Even to this day, her words cut through me as though I’m hearing them for the first time, again.

That being said, embracing who I am, doesn’t make the pain of what I’ve lost any easier.

I share my experiences, not to get sympathy, but in the hope that someone will find comfort knowing that there are others  who bear the cost of being true to themselves, as well. You are not alone.

Coming out

Everyone has their own coming out stories. For some of my friends, it was simply not to deny that they were lesbians. For others, it was what I called the weekend lesbian warriors, which consisted of going to a gay/lesbian club on Friday and Saturday nights.

For me, however, coming out meant screaming it from the rooftops and I didn’t have a rooftop high enough or a voice loud enough so I did the next best thing. I came out on the front page of the Miami Herald, October 16th, 1983 (hey, no comments about the year) Sunday edition. This is the picture the news reporter used, which is also my favorite photo.

GROWING UP GAY

Can you imagine the exhilaration I felt? Everyone, everywhere would know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had accepted who I was. I bought dozens of newspapers, not including the free copies the Miami Herald gave me, and distributed them everywhere I went. Yup, that was me, parading around like a proud rooster on that warm, sunny day.

My all-to-full-of-myself-attitude lasted for about as long as it took for my distraught family to call me, insisting that the newspaper had made a mistake. It never occurred to me that my Cuban family would ever see the American newspaper and the last thing I wanted to do was to hurt my grandmother.

There I was on the phone explaining that the news reporter was right. That I was in fact, a lesbian, and that now, everyone knew it. It broke my heart that my grandma found out that way. I was so caught up in doing the right thing by my community that I neglected to think about the right thing for myself.

Do I regret coming out the way I did? Yes and no. Yes because I wanted to be and should have been the one to personally tell my grandma. She shouldn’t have found out from her neighbor. And no because it was something that I needed to do to start claiming my own individuality.

Fear not, my grandma loves me very much, and excluding my parents of course, the rest of my family is extremely accepting, especially since I have a wifey they all love. Shit, now they call to speak to her, instead of me. Go figure. LOL

My lesson? Think through the consequences of my actions – a lesson that has stuck with me for the last 28 years.

Boogie down!

This week, I wanted to celebrate and what better way of doing that, than to showcase the music that has helped, supported or just brought us together as a community? Get your boogie on and dance!



I was "Born This Way"

People have asked me if I would change anything about my past. Here’s the thing, it has made me who I am today. So, my answer is no.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been through things that made me wish, I had never been born. Yeah, one day I’ll share the details, but for now, trust me when I say that I’ve learned some pretty serious lessons.

There isn’t much you can say that I can’t in some way relate to. Child abuse, drugs, attempted suicide, psychotic break, rape - been there and I don't ever have to go there again, but that's for another post.

My childhood wasn’t prefect, far from it, but I’ve taken my lessons and put them to good use. I’ve worked at getting rid of the shit I didn’t want, and I didn't want to continue the dysfunctional cycle that encompassed my family.

Only through blood, sweat and tears was I able to break many unhealthy cycles and it didn’t happen without pain, if it had it would have been a vacation, not one of life’s lesson’s.

Lesson’s are supposed to hurt. They are supposed to turn our world upside-down and make us not only question, but challenge ourselves into being a better partner, a better parent, a better person.

A friend once told me that “Love was letting go of fear.” I didn’t understand until I started doing some soul-searching of my own and realized that for most of my life, I had reacted out of fear. Fear of not being loved, not being accepted, not being heard, not being respected. Fear had dictated most of my life and I was none the wiser to it.

For me, Born This Way is more than mere words. It’s a dedication and a promise to myself to continue striving to become the best of who I am.

It’s a reminder that even though I am still a work in progress, I am perfect in my own right and as Lady Gaga said, "I was born to survive."

Learned Lessons

I remember times when I said, “I wish someone had told me that.” Well, I’m going to share a few of them with you.

I’ve learned that:
1- Time happens. It doesn’t alter course for anyone.
2- You have to love someone enough to let them go.
3- There is no such thing as “winter” air for your tires.
4- You can go on, long after you think you can’t.
5- 70% of my grey hair is from buying a house.
6- Success is measured by the friends you have, not who you know.
7- You don't have to follow your friends off a bridge.
8- NEVER get in the way of someone’s coffee-break.
9- If you’re doing something you can’t tell your partner about, you shouldn’t be doing it.
10- Give time, time.
11- Life isn’t fair.
12- I’ve learned to take hints.
13- No one can win an argument with a cop, except a Judge.
14- My gut is seldom wrong.
15- Karma’s a bitch.
16- At some point, staying out until 4 AM is just painful.
17- Some people are just not tired enough.
18- Miscommunication is the biggest communication problem people have.
19- Bad things do happen to good people.
20- People deserve a second chance, not a third.
21- If I don’t love myself, I can’t expect others to love me.
22- Between 40 and 60, age is relative.
23- You usually find something when you stop looking, including love.
24- You can’t run away from your problems, no matter where you go, there you are.
25- Most people don't masturbate enough.
26- Once a cheater, always a cheater.
27- I don't need a "Real Man" to show me what I'm missing.
28- I'm more of a man then most males I know.
29- Mine will always be bigger.
And finally,
30- NO ONE can fix, stupid!

Share some of your lessons…

Whose God?

Coming to terms with who I was at such a young age, didn't deter what I call my unruly teens. Coming out wasn't enough for me. I had questions I needed answers to.

When I was almost 18, I ran away from home and the most painstaking part of that was leaving my younger brother and sister behind. I felt as though I had abandoned them and to this day, I still carry some of that guilt, but the truth was that running away probably saved my life.

For many years, I found myself living the American dream. Sex, drugs and rock-n-roll (well, it was more of the, The Rocky Horror Picture Show instead of rock-n-roll) but you get the point.

I had to experience the world for what it truly was, not the sheltered bubble my parents raised me in and so, I ventured out.

This is the part where most people would rather not talk about, but what the hell...

One thing my parents really drilled into my head was the concept of God. My life spiraled out of control while I tried to find a happy medium with what they had taught me about God and the life I knew I was supposed to live. I lived with the belief that no matter what I did, I was going to hell as punishment for being myself, and I gave my guardian angels a run for their money. Yes, the idea of a "hell" was that embedded in me.

It wasn't until my third suicide attempt that one of the state appointed therapist asked me what I had learned about God. My answer? Everything my parents had taught me. Then she said, "you learned about your parents God. I want to know about yours." Little did I realize that simple statement would change my life, forever.

The real work began when I started questioning the type of God, I had been taught to believe in. A vengeful and punishing God, who would make me as I am, then banish me to hell for it.

After years of therapy, I formed my own beliefs about a loving, kind, forgiving and nurturing God. I was finally able to say that God didn't betrayed me or play a cruel joke on me. I now believe in my own God, and she believes in me.

Feel free to borrow mine, if your're afraid of yours :0)

Realizing who I was…a defining moment

Here’s a bit of history that most people don’t know about me.

Growing up, I never had a moment when I thought, “Shit! I’m a lesbian.”

From a very young age, I always knew that the other girls were different. As far back as I can remember, girls liked boys, and they liked wearing frilly, lace outfits. They weren’t like me. Even back then, I had a chivalrous attitude toward women. I wanted to hold the door open for girls, show them exclusivity, to treat them with respect and be someone that they would be proud to stand next to. 

Then, I hit my teen years, and my parents started to notice that, their pretty little girl wasn’t so girlie, after all. I remember that dreaded day in Junior High when my mom threw away all my jeans, pants and shorts leaving me with nothing but dresses and skirts to wear. Do you know how hard it is to play baseball or hop over fences in a freaking dress? Not to mention that the boys who were afraid of me, just didn’t see me as tough after I paraded around in that hot pink chiffon dress. I had officially lost my pecking order and the feelings of not belonging, set in. I spent most of my younger teenage years searching for other’s like me. I was lost and alone in world full of people.

My parents started, what I call, religion hopping until they found a church that was willing to baptize me for the 10th time.

When that failed to save me, it was therapy. I remember the therapist asking me if there was anything I felt I needed to talk about and my grand answer was…yeah, my parent's inability to commit to one religion.

While I was hospitalized, the therapist discussed my fascination for wearing pants/jeans/shorts and for me preferring to button my shirts left over right, which I later found out was traditionally designed for men, as opposed to right over left, for women. Who knew? I just knew it felt more comfortable for me. Little did I know that it was the sweet makings of a butch in progress. LOL

When therapy failed to cure me, exorcism was next and oh boy, what an experience that was!

There I was, 14 years old and sneaking in way past my curfew, drunk and feeling not so good, if you know what I mean. Sitting there next to my mom were two priests armed with crucifixes, candles, bibles and their little smoking things, which made my stomach, turn south. Due to the alcohol I consumed at the party earlier, I don’t remember much except that I puked on one of the priests.

I was baptized, hospitalized and exorcised in an effort to save my soul, but save my soul from what? It wasn’t until I met my first love, at the tender age of 15 that I finally understood.

She said, “You’re a girl. You're not supposed to like girls. It means you’re a lesbian and besides that, you’re too damn butch for me.” She kissed me and walked out of my life, forever. That brief encounter taught me more than any church or therapist ever could. As her soft, tender lips pressed against mine, something inside me clicked and I knew I was no longer lost.

Right then, the heavens opened up for me, and I swear I heard the angels sing, maybe it was from all the baptisms, but that was my, Damn! I am butch hear me roar moment. Not to be confused with my coming out moment, two different subjects and two different stories. And the rest is history from there.

The one thing I remember clearly from my childhood was that even though I didn’t know what I was, unconsciously, I knew that being attracted to girls was a part of who I was.

What if any, was a defining moment in your life?