Monday, April 18, 2011

I was "Born This Way"

BornthiswayemailPeople have asked me if I would change anything about my past. Here’s the thing, it has made me who I am today. So, my answer is no.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been through things that made me wish, I had never been born. Yeah, one day I’ll share the details, but for now, trust me when I say that I’ve learned some pretty serious lessons.

There isn’t much you can say that I can’t in some way relate to. Child abuse, drugs, attempted suicide, psychotic break, rape - been there and I don't ever have to go there again, but that's for another post.

My childhood wasn’t prefect, far from it, but I’ve taken my lessons and put them to good use. I’ve worked at getting rid of the shit I didn’t want, and I didn't want to continue the dysfunctional cycle that encompassed my family.

Only through blood, sweat and tears was I able to break many unhealthy cycles and it didn’t happen without pain, if it had it would have been a vacation, not one of life’s lesson’s.

Lesson’s are supposed to hurt. They are supposed to turn our world upside-down and make us not only question, but challenge ourselves into being a better partner, a better parent, a better person.

A friend once told me that “Love was letting go of fear.” I didn’t understand until I started doing some soul-searching of my own and realized that for most of my life, I had reacted out of fear. Fear of not being loved, not being accepted, not being heard, not being respected. Fear had dictated most of my life and I was none the wiser to it.

For me, Born This Way is more than mere words. It’s a dedication and a promise to myself to continue striving to become the best of who I am.

It’s a reminder that even though I am still a work in progress, I am perfect in my own right and as Lady Gaga said, "I was born to survive."

1 comment:

  1. Hi Annie,

    Read this a couple of days ago, but wanted to think about it a bit before replying. I guess we're all works in progress. We all have baggage and we all handle it the best we can. Sometimes that means we push it inside us, don't talk about it, don't think about it, until it comes out and bites you in the ass.

    We get older, and hopefully wiser. Hopefully we fit our skin better when we learn that we're not alone. Others have dealt with the same kind of crap and lived to either tell about it or not.

    I do like your friends thoughts on 'love is letting go of fear'. Not sure I agree with it wholeheartedly, but it rings some bells.

    Another awesome post. Thanks for sharing with us.